The rain

I can feel the rain... cold and bitter as always... Now even colder...I walk thorough fallen leafs wetting my feet. It seems weird to me that the leafs are brown and the grass still green... that vivid, intense green of the summer as the grass does not want to feel the cold outside, as the grass would deny the fast comming of the winter. I wish I can be that green grass... But I can feel the rain, I can feel the wind, I can feel the pain and I am afraid of the winter of my life. I asked myself why... My winter seems still far away from me, unless... unless we have seasons in our lifes as the years has them. Cycling seasons or spiral seasons or something like this. Maybe. Then I should take something to keep me warm, a love to cover me as a blanket... As you can get love like this... like you go to a store and by it... or friendship...

I can feel the rain... cold and bitter as usual... I can even see the rain... "I'm watching you beach! You ain't gonna get me... At least not until I finish this shit..."

I can feel.... of course I can feel it, I hate it! And I do not know why I can't fell the sun anymore, why I run from the light, why... I stay in the rain... I know now why I never learned to bike, because biking in the rain can be worse than the rain itself! With all those icy, sticky drops thumbling on your face as the juice of an orange smashed on the wall... with the cold atacking you from all parts... with no place to hide... with the strong wish to go home. But where is home?

They say that wherever you feel at home is home. But I never felt at home. Here, there, at my house, at my friend, always I was like a guest ready to start his journey again. What is home?

Last smoke.I finished my shit. The rain stopped, but I still can feel it's presence... like a ghost folowing me arround... And a really bitter one.

I'd better be going now. Future is waiting for me... I see it... It is a large street like a boulevard and many, many other streets are crossing with it. I can even see some of them: Sex is first on the right, shit is second on left, drugs is a dead-end at first on the left, job fifth on the right, family a little bit further, but there is no happiness. Sure I have missed it! I better go back to search again... Just a little moment to get rest... I feel tired I need a cigarette...

I can feell the rain again... And it came with the fog... Is wetting my cigarette... And is getting heavier.. the rain. I should find a shelter... look here on this street... On the "Drinking Street"...

I'll never be home again. I cannot feel home ever again... but I can feel the rain... and it is cold... and bitter... as I am.

I met someone today.
Someone that looked into my eyes and said:
No way! I love you... I can't stay!
Than someone was gone away...

I saw something today.
Something that cried into my head:
No way! I hate you... You can't stay!
Than I went away...

I feel you now.
This tender touch on my crippled body:
One way! Thorough love and hate...!
Stay, don' go away...